That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Girls should come with a carfax report
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
