Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pooping to opera.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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