So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
