With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
