Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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