Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize