i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
