is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
