My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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