I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
