fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
