For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
