watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
