I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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