You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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