i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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