Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
