I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
