I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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