dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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