I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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