oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize