I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This baby is an asshole
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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