I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have aggressive nipples.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
