**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
