2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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