There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
