So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize