I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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