On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
