Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
