The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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