He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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