We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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