Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
