I bet he comes in French.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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