some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
