The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
