Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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