I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
