first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
