Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
