well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I die, sorry about rent.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
