You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
