I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
