I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
