is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
