I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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