Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
