i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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