stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
