So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
