In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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