I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
