Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
