Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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