Pappa wants mamma naked
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize