I just cut my nipple shaving
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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