discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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