Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
