oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
