sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
