hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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