Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
