I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
