I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
