i would punch a child for taco bell
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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