You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
