I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
