And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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