Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
