so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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