That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
