Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize