the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
