Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
